Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Planet Hell strikes again!
Heavy Sigh.
In five short days I have witnessed some horrible horrible mean people. Where do I start? From the beginning? Well since I feel more comfortable going backwards I will start from the last thing I just read on the Internet and then go back to the first experience I had with my family.
I was reading about the "Blu Flu" down in the Golf Coast. Some one is reporting how they feel a possible "super germ" (like a deadly flu) could emerge from all the toxic corexit and oil. Talking about how many people in the golf could and will die from all the toxicity. Interesting article. Then comes along the public opinion. One putrid soul makes the comment
"Hi did you ever think this might be a good thing, all the scum bags gone, all the welfare scumbags gone, all the fat unproductive gone, all the criminals gone, all the ones sucking off the system gone, think about it, really think about it". signed NWO
I can't even explain how offended my soul is by this mean, selfish, putrid person. How arrogant and misguided. How sad. It terrifies me that I am on this planet with such a callous, heartless, ignorant person. And there are more of them. How can someone be so vial. I don't like criminals, I don't like people who TRUELY suck off the system. But I would never, never, wish them dead or to die a horrible death. I wish them to get help. To grow and learn. Not to die. But what do you do with evil people that wish other dead because they think there lazy or there to fat to be a productive part of society. What do you do with them. Be as lowly as they and wish them the horrible death? Or wish the same good things for them. To get help. To grow to learn.
Heavy sigh.
The next experience that offended. Not as traumatic but none the less still worth mentioning. I went to visit my mother. My mother can be a snob. She thinks she's all of that. Her and that snobby guy she married. I was telling my mother that Bill wanted to go back to school to become a RN (my mother has her RN but left nursing because she got in to trouble to many times for screwing peoples meds up at the nursing home). Well my mother makes the comment that Bill would not be able to be a RN because he isn't smart enough to do the studying it requires to pass the exam. She said his IQ was not high enough. What a Jerk! For the record, and I told her this also, Bills IQ is very high, he is a very intelligent man. His IQ has never been a problem in his life. It has been his attitude that has been the problem. He wasted his intelligence on partying and lying his way through life trying to excuse his self indulgence lifestyle. He not stupid. He very smart. How mean though, to say "he not smart enough, his IQ isn't high enough. You pompous snob! But you know that exactly what the filthy family of mine did to me also. Constantly told me I was not smart enough, I was stupid. "Oh your not smart enough to do that Lynda, but you would do fine in a factory job." Fuck you assholes.(please pardon my language but it is how I honestly feel towards them) My mother has often made comments to me like that. My sisters use to call me stupid so many times when I was little that I was convinced I was. My grandmother(the only descent person in the family)finally had enough of my sister abusing me calling me stupid, and went to my mother and told her to do something about it. But she never did, because she felt the same way about me that my sister did.
The next emotional bashing. I was at the dinner table (still at my mothers) and my mother was bashing a woman she works with, saying she couldn't understand why management hasn't fired the woman and blah blah blah and he mean husband speaks up and says "well at least she got a job and isn't sucking off the system" My husband is layed off, and his back is inured from his job so he is going through a comp case. I do not have a job and we have food stamps. Now you know that was a direct slam to Bill and I. How do I know? Because I know. Why would he come out of the blue and say that. It was an irrelevant remark to the conversation. He was just saying that to insult me and Bill. Anyone with a brain can see that. I wouldn't even eat dinner. I got up packed up the kids stuff, my stuff and left. I will never go back there again. One by one I turn my back on them all.
The next knock from a clueless NT. Tonight we were eating dinner with my mother-in-law. Bill knows I hate the word dollop. It's like nails on a chalk board to me. So he goes and says the word and starts to tease me about it. My mother-in-law looks at me like I am from another planet and says, "whats wrong with dollop" Bill explained that I don't like the word and she asks why and I told her I just don't like the word, there are a couple of words I don't like, they bother me. And she gives a look to Bill like "what an asshole" but she had that kind of smirk on her face also. I hate her. Why is it so wrong to not like a word. She acted like I was some weirdo and I was the only one in the world that is like that. I know plenty of people that have words they don't like. Why am I always singled out by these people and abused. Why do they hate me so much. What did I ever do to them? Did I wrong them in a past life? If so I am sorry. I don't believe I have though because I don't feel like I could ever be as mean to someone as they have been to me.
And then to put the cherry on the top of the sundae Bill has to go and watch this documentary about some terrorist taking over a school in Russia for three days. We got to hear the survivors testimonies of the whole horrifying event. Many children died horribly, many adults died horribly. Murdered.
I just want to cry.
I hate this planet.
In five short days I have witnessed some horrible horrible mean people. Where do I start? From the beginning? Well since I feel more comfortable going backwards I will start from the last thing I just read on the Internet and then go back to the first experience I had with my family.
I was reading about the "Blu Flu" down in the Golf Coast. Some one is reporting how they feel a possible "super germ" (like a deadly flu) could emerge from all the toxic corexit and oil. Talking about how many people in the golf could and will die from all the toxicity. Interesting article. Then comes along the public opinion. One putrid soul makes the comment
"Hi did you ever think this might be a good thing, all the scum bags gone, all the welfare scumbags gone, all the fat unproductive gone, all the criminals gone, all the ones sucking off the system gone, think about it, really think about it". signed NWO
I can't even explain how offended my soul is by this mean, selfish, putrid person. How arrogant and misguided. How sad. It terrifies me that I am on this planet with such a callous, heartless, ignorant person. And there are more of them. How can someone be so vial. I don't like criminals, I don't like people who TRUELY suck off the system. But I would never, never, wish them dead or to die a horrible death. I wish them to get help. To grow and learn. Not to die. But what do you do with evil people that wish other dead because they think there lazy or there to fat to be a productive part of society. What do you do with them. Be as lowly as they and wish them the horrible death? Or wish the same good things for them. To get help. To grow to learn.
Heavy sigh.
The next experience that offended. Not as traumatic but none the less still worth mentioning. I went to visit my mother. My mother can be a snob. She thinks she's all of that. Her and that snobby guy she married. I was telling my mother that Bill wanted to go back to school to become a RN (my mother has her RN but left nursing because she got in to trouble to many times for screwing peoples meds up at the nursing home). Well my mother makes the comment that Bill would not be able to be a RN because he isn't smart enough to do the studying it requires to pass the exam. She said his IQ was not high enough. What a Jerk! For the record, and I told her this also, Bills IQ is very high, he is a very intelligent man. His IQ has never been a problem in his life. It has been his attitude that has been the problem. He wasted his intelligence on partying and lying his way through life trying to excuse his self indulgence lifestyle. He not stupid. He very smart. How mean though, to say "he not smart enough, his IQ isn't high enough. You pompous snob! But you know that exactly what the filthy family of mine did to me also. Constantly told me I was not smart enough, I was stupid. "Oh your not smart enough to do that Lynda, but you would do fine in a factory job." Fuck you assholes.(please pardon my language but it is how I honestly feel towards them) My mother has often made comments to me like that. My sisters use to call me stupid so many times when I was little that I was convinced I was. My grandmother(the only descent person in the family)finally had enough of my sister abusing me calling me stupid, and went to my mother and told her to do something about it. But she never did, because she felt the same way about me that my sister did.
The next emotional bashing. I was at the dinner table (still at my mothers) and my mother was bashing a woman she works with, saying she couldn't understand why management hasn't fired the woman and blah blah blah and he mean husband speaks up and says "well at least she got a job and isn't sucking off the system" My husband is layed off, and his back is inured from his job so he is going through a comp case. I do not have a job and we have food stamps. Now you know that was a direct slam to Bill and I. How do I know? Because I know. Why would he come out of the blue and say that. It was an irrelevant remark to the conversation. He was just saying that to insult me and Bill. Anyone with a brain can see that. I wouldn't even eat dinner. I got up packed up the kids stuff, my stuff and left. I will never go back there again. One by one I turn my back on them all.
The next knock from a clueless NT. Tonight we were eating dinner with my mother-in-law. Bill knows I hate the word dollop. It's like nails on a chalk board to me. So he goes and says the word and starts to tease me about it. My mother-in-law looks at me like I am from another planet and says, "whats wrong with dollop" Bill explained that I don't like the word and she asks why and I told her I just don't like the word, there are a couple of words I don't like, they bother me. And she gives a look to Bill like "what an asshole" but she had that kind of smirk on her face also. I hate her. Why is it so wrong to not like a word. She acted like I was some weirdo and I was the only one in the world that is like that. I know plenty of people that have words they don't like. Why am I always singled out by these people and abused. Why do they hate me so much. What did I ever do to them? Did I wrong them in a past life? If so I am sorry. I don't believe I have though because I don't feel like I could ever be as mean to someone as they have been to me.
And then to put the cherry on the top of the sundae Bill has to go and watch this documentary about some terrorist taking over a school in Russia for three days. We got to hear the survivors testimonies of the whole horrifying event. Many children died horribly, many adults died horribly. Murdered.
I just want to cry.
I hate this planet.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
A matter of public safety
Once again it is a stretch to find something good to blog about!...thinking....ummmm....nothing!
But! I certainly can tell you of ghastly encounter down at the local walmart! Well there we are me and my kids trying to have a "peaceful" shopping experience. But no, that's not possible where I live. There was this very mentally handicapped child running a muck around the store. Yelling and trashing the toys on the shelves and generally terrifying those around him. It was very annoying. I wanted no part of this situation. I was disgusted. Kind of shocked I am not more understanding about the situation? Well before you go and draw a conclusion about me or judge me, let me extrapolate further.
Being a person with a mental disability, I understand over stimulation and the physical bodies reactions it can involuntarily cause. I am not offended by the child with the mental disability I am offended that his caretaker would expose him to so much outside stimulus that he would become violent. I could see that this child was WAY overstimulated. That is why he was yelling and running and smashing toys on the shelf. That is why his caretaker had NO control over him. This is where I will step back again and repeat what I have stated before, that NT's are clueless. You know when I was taking a Human Services course at a Community College I wanted to become a drug and alcohol counselor. You know what I was told? I was told I would either have to had been an addict or I would have to have lived with an addict or I would NOT get hired as a drug and alcohol counselor by anyone! Why? Because addicts don't want to be lectured by people who haven't got a clue what there going through. There not trying to be callous or mean. They just feel more comfortable talking with someone who has either been through the same thing as they have or experience with a person that is or has been and addict. Totally understandable. I feel the same way about The Aspergers. I don't want an NT diagnosing me. I don't feel I will get a proper diagnosis with someone who has NO idea what I am going through. I don't care how much collage you've got under your belt. You still can not possible completely understand what I am going through. My husband is a case and point. I have been with him since I was 17 I am now 42 about to be 43. 25 years we have been together and he is still clueless. He still can't understand what I am going through. He never takes into consideration my feelings or how a situation will affect me emotionally not because he is a callous person but because he has never been Asperger! Heck he thinks just because he doesn't like large crowds and isn't good at customer service he is Asperger. HA! NO! Don't think so pal, it goes way beyond a dislike for large crowds and being inept at dealing with unruly customers.
In my opinion if she wanted to have this child to have the store experience she should start with taking him to the store when there aren't so many people. I know I am not akin to going to the store when it is super busy. It is really tough on me. It usually results in an anxiety attack. I won't normally put my self in that position. I did today but I didn't realize I was doing it. Week days are usually dead at the store. But for some reason lately they haven't been. Back to school shopping I suppose?
Interrupted. Window Closed.
Window Open able to come back for a moment to close.
If I was the caretaker I would start with minimal exposure to store trips. If the child could successfully handle the trips then I would proceed further. Not just plop him into chaos because I feel he needs to "learn" to function in society(or what ever crazy reason she's doing this for). See, what I forgot to mention is this isn't the first time we've seen these two in the store the other day she brought the child in Wegmans and he was a terror there also. He at one point grabbed there cart and ran as fast as he could around the corner heading down to the other end of the store, He almost plowed in to my son Caleb. And as fast as he was going and as much power as that kid had behind him he would of hurt Caleb if he ran into him. It was amazing he didn't run into someone. My God if he ran into my daughter or my son I would of flipped out on that caretaker. I don't care what your excuses are be a responsible caretaker. If that kid is putting other people in danger (which he was) with his behavior than he shouldn't be in that situation. She needs to think of other people also not just the mentally handicapped child.
People just don't think.
Note:
If this blog sounds a tad rough it's because I am blogging at the most craziest time for me to blog. During the middle of the day with everyone home! Bad plan. I shouldn't of done it. I should of waited until late at night when I can concentrate and get thing out correctly. But I guess I just had to get that off my chest.
But! I certainly can tell you of ghastly encounter down at the local walmart! Well there we are me and my kids trying to have a "peaceful" shopping experience. But no, that's not possible where I live. There was this very mentally handicapped child running a muck around the store. Yelling and trashing the toys on the shelves and generally terrifying those around him. It was very annoying. I wanted no part of this situation. I was disgusted. Kind of shocked I am not more understanding about the situation? Well before you go and draw a conclusion about me or judge me, let me extrapolate further.
Being a person with a mental disability, I understand over stimulation and the physical bodies reactions it can involuntarily cause. I am not offended by the child with the mental disability I am offended that his caretaker would expose him to so much outside stimulus that he would become violent. I could see that this child was WAY overstimulated. That is why he was yelling and running and smashing toys on the shelf. That is why his caretaker had NO control over him. This is where I will step back again and repeat what I have stated before, that NT's are clueless. You know when I was taking a Human Services course at a Community College I wanted to become a drug and alcohol counselor. You know what I was told? I was told I would either have to had been an addict or I would have to have lived with an addict or I would NOT get hired as a drug and alcohol counselor by anyone! Why? Because addicts don't want to be lectured by people who haven't got a clue what there going through. There not trying to be callous or mean. They just feel more comfortable talking with someone who has either been through the same thing as they have or experience with a person that is or has been and addict. Totally understandable. I feel the same way about The Aspergers. I don't want an NT diagnosing me. I don't feel I will get a proper diagnosis with someone who has NO idea what I am going through. I don't care how much collage you've got under your belt. You still can not possible completely understand what I am going through. My husband is a case and point. I have been with him since I was 17 I am now 42 about to be 43. 25 years we have been together and he is still clueless. He still can't understand what I am going through. He never takes into consideration my feelings or how a situation will affect me emotionally not because he is a callous person but because he has never been Asperger! Heck he thinks just because he doesn't like large crowds and isn't good at customer service he is Asperger. HA! NO! Don't think so pal, it goes way beyond a dislike for large crowds and being inept at dealing with unruly customers.
In my opinion if she wanted to have this child to have the store experience she should start with taking him to the store when there aren't so many people. I know I am not akin to going to the store when it is super busy. It is really tough on me. It usually results in an anxiety attack. I won't normally put my self in that position. I did today but I didn't realize I was doing it. Week days are usually dead at the store. But for some reason lately they haven't been. Back to school shopping I suppose?
Interrupted. Window Closed.
Window Open able to come back for a moment to close.
If I was the caretaker I would start with minimal exposure to store trips. If the child could successfully handle the trips then I would proceed further. Not just plop him into chaos because I feel he needs to "learn" to function in society(or what ever crazy reason she's doing this for). See, what I forgot to mention is this isn't the first time we've seen these two in the store the other day she brought the child in Wegmans and he was a terror there also. He at one point grabbed there cart and ran as fast as he could around the corner heading down to the other end of the store, He almost plowed in to my son Caleb. And as fast as he was going and as much power as that kid had behind him he would of hurt Caleb if he ran into him. It was amazing he didn't run into someone. My God if he ran into my daughter or my son I would of flipped out on that caretaker. I don't care what your excuses are be a responsible caretaker. If that kid is putting other people in danger (which he was) with his behavior than he shouldn't be in that situation. She needs to think of other people also not just the mentally handicapped child.
People just don't think.
Note:
If this blog sounds a tad rough it's because I am blogging at the most craziest time for me to blog. During the middle of the day with everyone home! Bad plan. I shouldn't of done it. I should of waited until late at night when I can concentrate and get thing out correctly. But I guess I just had to get that off my chest.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
What do you call this post?
I am here to say it now, this is going to be one baaaad winter. I can hear it. What? you say! Hear it? How can you here it? Listen. Look. The signs are all around you. Look at your Mother! And no I don't mean the mother that raised you! I mean Earth Mother! The climate! It's falling apart. It's becoming this raging animal that is out of control! Still don't believe me? Look at the flooding, the fires, the earthquakes, the storms. It is August and I hear the wind howl and moan like it does in the winter when we are having a snow storm. It's not right. Do me a favor turn off CNN go to the weather channel and the Internet. Even the weather channel reports the news better than CNN and MSNBC.
(skip to next thought)
I can't figure out why I'm here. A dieing evil angry planet. Hmmmm. I don't know about you but my eyes are wide open. This whole civilization in on a crash coarse. How in the world does anyone think things are good anywhere or things are going to get better? The greed is out of control! Not only in our leaders but in the people also. Most people only care about them selves and when that happens everyone suffers. I see drug abuse horribly. Parents smoking crack, doing meth. How could you? Are you honestly that self centered? What about your children? How could someone disregard there kids like that!? This planet has me in tears, these souls have me horrified. Can you imagine how God feels? This planet, these souls, are so putrid I worry about how God is handling all this. What, because he is infinite he doesn't have feelings, he doesn't weep over the heinous sins of the earthbound spirits, his very own children. If my kids ever acted in such a manner I would be devastated. Yes there are good people, there are kind people, there are souls that care, but is there enough of them to out weigh the bad. I don't think there is. Sad isn't it.
Next..........
I don't belong here. I can't be that self centered, I can't be that mean, I can't be that thoughtless. What will it take to wake the humans of Earth up. A global tragedy? When every ones lives are in complete shambles, including those putrid rich people, the corrupt politicians. When the Earth is no longer fit to support human life and we all die horrifying deaths? I'm not coming back. I refuse. I will not incarnate back on this planet until these souls shape up. Nope, Nada, won't happen. What am I talking about? I am talking about the fact that you don't die and then skip off to heaven or hell and that's it. The Earth is a school. Your here to learn, to evolve. To put it into layman's terms, You've been bad now you have to go to detention. And if don't learn from your mistakes and you are bad again, you will have detention again! How can you rejoin the creator, a magnificent pure being of light and love, when you can't match it's vibrational level? Still don't understand? Go read. Check out Edgar Cayce, Mary Summer Rain, Down the rabbit hole by the Ions group. Then you'll see. Then the eyes will be wide open. And I won't seem so much like a rambling dingbat.
(skip to next thought)
I can't figure out why I'm here. A dieing evil angry planet. Hmmmm. I don't know about you but my eyes are wide open. This whole civilization in on a crash coarse. How in the world does anyone think things are good anywhere or things are going to get better? The greed is out of control! Not only in our leaders but in the people also. Most people only care about them selves and when that happens everyone suffers. I see drug abuse horribly. Parents smoking crack, doing meth. How could you? Are you honestly that self centered? What about your children? How could someone disregard there kids like that!? This planet has me in tears, these souls have me horrified. Can you imagine how God feels? This planet, these souls, are so putrid I worry about how God is handling all this. What, because he is infinite he doesn't have feelings, he doesn't weep over the heinous sins of the earthbound spirits, his very own children. If my kids ever acted in such a manner I would be devastated. Yes there are good people, there are kind people, there are souls that care, but is there enough of them to out weigh the bad. I don't think there is. Sad isn't it.
Next..........
I don't belong here. I can't be that self centered, I can't be that mean, I can't be that thoughtless. What will it take to wake the humans of Earth up. A global tragedy? When every ones lives are in complete shambles, including those putrid rich people, the corrupt politicians. When the Earth is no longer fit to support human life and we all die horrifying deaths? I'm not coming back. I refuse. I will not incarnate back on this planet until these souls shape up. Nope, Nada, won't happen. What am I talking about? I am talking about the fact that you don't die and then skip off to heaven or hell and that's it. The Earth is a school. Your here to learn, to evolve. To put it into layman's terms, You've been bad now you have to go to detention. And if don't learn from your mistakes and you are bad again, you will have detention again! How can you rejoin the creator, a magnificent pure being of light and love, when you can't match it's vibrational level? Still don't understand? Go read. Check out Edgar Cayce, Mary Summer Rain, Down the rabbit hole by the Ions group. Then you'll see. Then the eyes will be wide open. And I won't seem so much like a rambling dingbat.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Modes
It's so hard for me to get back into the posting mode when I have been distracted. I don't even know if I can post. I would love to post. There has been a lot that has happened that I would like to discuss. But there are blocks. What I mean by blocks are there are things that bother me to the point where I can't express my self. My husband is one of those blocks. I don't like him anywhere near me when I post. (His vibrations are disruptive and negative.) I don't want him anywhere near this world. And he usually rudely interrupts me because the only one that matters in this world is him! And it's only his thoughts and feelings that should get attention. The hell with everyone else!
Let me try again to explain this whole thing. I get into modes and anything that isn't related to the mode can cause a block in my thought patterns. I have a writing mode, an expressing feelings mode, a being a mom mode, a dealing with my husband mode, a going out into public mode, deal with relatives mode, write in my blog mode.......and when any of these these modes have to cross my brain screams "HALT". Sometimes I can handle the mode shift or interruptions but if there are to many or it's to great I get very agitating and like I said the brain screams halt. I have to stop what I am doing and regroup or just get away
Mind Pause.
Back. My son Billy(the one with A.S.)has the same issue with modes. He was suppose to go over to his friends house yesterday for the kids birthday. His friend also has Aspergers(but Mother and Stepdad don't) and there was all sorts of mode changes. First he was sleeping over, then he couldn't because the kids dad (not the step dad) insisted on the kid sleeping over to his place for the boys birthday so Billy could only stay until 4:00 and not sleepover, then the dad decided he didn't want the kid to come over so Billy could then sleepover, then the kids mom decided they were going to the store (to do something I think pick up a birthday gift for the kid) and they would pick up Billys overnight bag on the way and then she decided not to do that....... eventually I got a call from Billy, he wanted to come home for the night. To much mode shifting I don't blame him.
Distracted mind. Cause - insensitive arrogant husband......I am to irritated to finish telling you what happened. I have to pause and regroup.
NT's don't get it. They say we don't get the social cues thing. Is that really it? Or is just our brain process things in such a different way that we don't function like the NT's do. And when the clueless selfish NT's figure out an A.S. person doesn't get or like the way they behave and there is a clash between the Aspie and the NT, the NT's over bloated ego gets offended and they blame the A.S. person for the dysfunctional encounter. "It's not us, it's you!" "You have a problem, YOU don't know how to behave properly!" "YOU don't understand social cues"!
Really. You know I see Aspies getting along fine with each other.
And boy do NT's get offended when they get called a NT! Why. Were labeled Asperger we accept it. All NT means is Nerotypical. What's the big deal? What, your big fat ego can't handle it? Too bad get use to getting labeled. We have.
You know what kills me!? Once again this is not what I intended to talk about. This happens frequently.
Well I can avoid it no longer. I have to switch modes and become a mom again.
Bye
Let me try again to explain this whole thing. I get into modes and anything that isn't related to the mode can cause a block in my thought patterns. I have a writing mode, an expressing feelings mode, a being a mom mode, a dealing with my husband mode, a going out into public mode, deal with relatives mode, write in my blog mode.......and when any of these these modes have to cross my brain screams "HALT". Sometimes I can handle the mode shift or interruptions but if there are to many or it's to great I get very agitating and like I said the brain screams halt. I have to stop what I am doing and regroup or just get away
Mind Pause.
Back. My son Billy(the one with A.S.)has the same issue with modes. He was suppose to go over to his friends house yesterday for the kids birthday. His friend also has Aspergers(but Mother and Stepdad don't) and there was all sorts of mode changes. First he was sleeping over, then he couldn't because the kids dad (not the step dad) insisted on the kid sleeping over to his place for the boys birthday so Billy could only stay until 4:00 and not sleepover, then the dad decided he didn't want the kid to come over so Billy could then sleepover, then the kids mom decided they were going to the store (to do something I think pick up a birthday gift for the kid) and they would pick up Billys overnight bag on the way and then she decided not to do that....... eventually I got a call from Billy, he wanted to come home for the night. To much mode shifting I don't blame him.
Distracted mind. Cause - insensitive arrogant husband......I am to irritated to finish telling you what happened. I have to pause and regroup.
NT's don't get it. They say we don't get the social cues thing. Is that really it? Or is just our brain process things in such a different way that we don't function like the NT's do. And when the clueless selfish NT's figure out an A.S. person doesn't get or like the way they behave and there is a clash between the Aspie and the NT, the NT's over bloated ego gets offended and they blame the A.S. person for the dysfunctional encounter. "It's not us, it's you!" "You have a problem, YOU don't know how to behave properly!" "YOU don't understand social cues"!
Really. You know I see Aspies getting along fine with each other.
And boy do NT's get offended when they get called a NT! Why. Were labeled Asperger we accept it. All NT means is Nerotypical. What's the big deal? What, your big fat ego can't handle it? Too bad get use to getting labeled. We have.
You know what kills me!? Once again this is not what I intended to talk about. This happens frequently.
Well I can avoid it no longer. I have to switch modes and become a mom again.
Bye
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Can't Sleep
Been up since 2:30am it is now 4:53am. I hate this. I keep forgetting to buy something like Advil pm. I was thinking about this communication thing these NT's keep harping on about with A.S. people. See I hear a lot "oh your A.S.! But you communicate so well! You don't seem to have a problem to me" Since when are Asperger people not able to communicate? I see many A.S. people communicate very well. It just depends on the people their talking to. It's not about being able to communicate it's about if communicate. I think A.S. people are highly sensitive. And by sensitive I don't mean you insult me I cry. I mean we sense people. Yes like a sixth sense. If I sense that someone maybe unpredictable or insensitive or if I am just not sure of someone I won't outwardly communicate with them. Or for that matter even talk to them at all.
Maybe I am different though I am 42 and have had a life time of dealing with insensitive NT's. If I did not speak up I would get trampled. Even with my husband I have had to learn to speak up and defend my self or get horribly abused. When I was a kid I wouldn't talk to many people. Just those very close to me. I think as we all get older we start to "communicate" more. I see it on the web. I see many Asperger Adults communicating very well through there blogs. My son communicates very well to me and those few he trust. If you make him nervous, forget it! I am the same way. But see after being shoved out in the world by my mother and then dating and eventually marrying a biker, I am more use to many kinds of people. I've been desensitised to a point. So If I would like to or need to say something to someone most of the time I can. But believe me there are people I will just refuse to deal with. Doctors, nasty Vice Principles, rude teachers, obnoxious neighbors, many of my husbands friends many faminly members. I'll take a U turn with them!
I also get treated like an imbecile now that people know I am A.S. My husband especially. Hears a good example. The young man down the street is getting married and his family doesn't have a lot of money so some how It got mentioned that I have a digital camera and I have been doing photography as a hobby for many years. So supposedly the couple asked my husband if I could photograph the wedding. I say supposedly because my husband can be full of bull at times I wouldn't doubt if he volentered me and then overstated my abilities just to make himself look good. He's done it before. But every time I talk about photographing this wedding he keeps say "well she(the bride)will tell you exactly what poses she wants, she will set everything up, you wont have to do anything. And he say it like he's talking to a child. I keep having to tell him I am not an idiot I do have an idea what to do. But he ignores me and rattles on. I can't stand him. I swear to God if she(the bride) talks to me like I am an idiot I will flip!
Is it really us that don't know the "social cues?" Or is it them. The insensitive NT's that think they know it all? It makes me wonder. Who truly has the disability?
Maybe I am different though I am 42 and have had a life time of dealing with insensitive NT's. If I did not speak up I would get trampled. Even with my husband I have had to learn to speak up and defend my self or get horribly abused. When I was a kid I wouldn't talk to many people. Just those very close to me. I think as we all get older we start to "communicate" more. I see it on the web. I see many Asperger Adults communicating very well through there blogs. My son communicates very well to me and those few he trust. If you make him nervous, forget it! I am the same way. But see after being shoved out in the world by my mother and then dating and eventually marrying a biker, I am more use to many kinds of people. I've been desensitised to a point. So If I would like to or need to say something to someone most of the time I can. But believe me there are people I will just refuse to deal with. Doctors, nasty Vice Principles, rude teachers, obnoxious neighbors, many of my husbands friends many faminly members. I'll take a U turn with them!
I also get treated like an imbecile now that people know I am A.S. My husband especially. Hears a good example. The young man down the street is getting married and his family doesn't have a lot of money so some how It got mentioned that I have a digital camera and I have been doing photography as a hobby for many years. So supposedly the couple asked my husband if I could photograph the wedding. I say supposedly because my husband can be full of bull at times I wouldn't doubt if he volentered me and then overstated my abilities just to make himself look good. He's done it before. But every time I talk about photographing this wedding he keeps say "well she(the bride)will tell you exactly what poses she wants, she will set everything up, you wont have to do anything. And he say it like he's talking to a child. I keep having to tell him I am not an idiot I do have an idea what to do. But he ignores me and rattles on. I can't stand him. I swear to God if she(the bride) talks to me like I am an idiot I will flip!
Is it really us that don't know the "social cues?" Or is it them. The insensitive NT's that think they know it all? It makes me wonder. Who truly has the disability?
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Pretending
Hmm where to start. So many thoughts all swimming around in a sea of blubbering. I hear many people say to me, you seem normal. You can communicate well. Well not really, only on subjects I care deeply about. And gee you know what I happen to be talking about with these people who say this to me? Asperger Syndrome! A subject I care deeply about! It fascinates me. Actually it's the brain that fascinates me. The why of peoples behaviors. Do I spend a lot of time researching and learning about the brain? Countless hours. Do I spend a lot of time on Aspergers? Countless hours. I had the opportunity and courage one time to go to college for the career of my choice. It was only a community college and I was only able to to go for an associates but it was an opportunity I new I had to take no matter how frightened I was at the though of being in such unpredictable situation. To learn! I had to. I picked human services. I took so many psychology classes it almost over shadowed the human services. I never finished the human service course, I came one semester shy of my degree. But I realized later on I did not want to get into the human service area and for a long time I couldn't figure out what it was I did want. Until recently I realized it was the brain! The disorders, the functions, the patterns. Ever hear of "Down the rabbit Hole", "What the Bleep do we Know"? If you haven't you should check it out! Type either in a google and see what you get!
But my original point for this post was again the perception that Asperger people can't communicate. To be Aspergers you must have difficulty talking to people. It's a wide misconception about Aspies and I believe it is a misconception about Autistic people also. I believe they can communicate just not in a way that we know.
But again I am going way off the subject I really want to be talking about. Like I said in the beginning I have some people tell me I don't seem Asperger because they feel I communicate well, I seem fine. Well I pretend a lot. I've learned to pretend things are fine so people will like me. I am a people watcher and I mimic behavior. I am an excellent analyzer. I analyze my self and others over and over and over. When I was a teenager I remember watching what behavior got my sisters in trouble and I deduced what behavior my mother liked and I did what pleased her and got to stay out late with my friends, I was able to get more privileges. Again I mimic behavior or mirror behavior. Someone could walk up to me at today and start yelling and arguing with me to the point where I don't want to ever be civil to the person again. But if a day later they come up to me and talk to me nice I will do the same back like nothing ever happened. Even though I don't like them and I want nothing to do with the person. If there nice I'm nice, even if I hate them, if they talk nice I will talk nice. If they talk nasty I will talk nasty. This one my traites that I dislike the most. Because If someone treats me poorly, I really don't want to be nice to them and let them think their behavior was okay, that it did not hurt me, I want to be able to communicate to them what their inappropriate behavior did. But I wont be able to if they talk nice. I will just do the same back.
Another communication issues I have is the delayed response to upsetting conversations. Most normal people, if they get into a conversation where inappropriate words are said are able to communicate this to the other person at the time when the offence takes place. I do not have this ability... Okay I need to leave this deadliest warrior show has offended me to the hilt. I will finish this in the morning.
I have to say this is one of the most difficult issues for me to explain correctly and to add to the difficulty I am tired my husband keeps interrupting me with idiotic babble about Deadliest Warrior and of course the TV is loud. I will probably come back tomorrow and rewrite a lot of this. If you read this before that you get the raw deal. Straight from the brain, unedited, uncut, uncensored!
But my original point for this post was again the perception that Asperger people can't communicate. To be Aspergers you must have difficulty talking to people. It's a wide misconception about Aspies and I believe it is a misconception about Autistic people also. I believe they can communicate just not in a way that we know.
But again I am going way off the subject I really want to be talking about. Like I said in the beginning I have some people tell me I don't seem Asperger because they feel I communicate well, I seem fine. Well I pretend a lot. I've learned to pretend things are fine so people will like me. I am a people watcher and I mimic behavior. I am an excellent analyzer. I analyze my self and others over and over and over. When I was a teenager I remember watching what behavior got my sisters in trouble and I deduced what behavior my mother liked and I did what pleased her and got to stay out late with my friends, I was able to get more privileges. Again I mimic behavior or mirror behavior. Someone could walk up to me at today and start yelling and arguing with me to the point where I don't want to ever be civil to the person again. But if a day later they come up to me and talk to me nice I will do the same back like nothing ever happened. Even though I don't like them and I want nothing to do with the person. If there nice I'm nice, even if I hate them, if they talk nice I will talk nice. If they talk nasty I will talk nasty. This one my traites that I dislike the most. Because If someone treats me poorly, I really don't want to be nice to them and let them think their behavior was okay, that it did not hurt me, I want to be able to communicate to them what their inappropriate behavior did. But I wont be able to if they talk nice. I will just do the same back.
Another communication issues I have is the delayed response to upsetting conversations. Most normal people, if they get into a conversation where inappropriate words are said are able to communicate this to the other person at the time when the offence takes place. I do not have this ability... Okay I need to leave this deadliest warrior show has offended me to the hilt. I will finish this in the morning.
I have to say this is one of the most difficult issues for me to explain correctly and to add to the difficulty I am tired my husband keeps interrupting me with idiotic babble about Deadliest Warrior and of course the TV is loud. I will probably come back tomorrow and rewrite a lot of this. If you read this before that you get the raw deal. Straight from the brain, unedited, uncut, uncensored!
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